You Know it Was a Good Night When…..
November 24, 2007 by The Chef
Regardless of gender, race, sexuality, ethnicity, or gender…wait, I already said that, we’ve all had those mornings when you wake up at the foot of your bed, covered only by the 2′ x 3′ Corona beach towel with the hot cartoon model that your girlfriend is embarrassed to see you bring to the beach every summer (that’s for another time), only to realize that you can’t remember one single thing from the previous night (thank St. Francis for the Guinness family!)….worse yet, some 200lbs. heffer with a half-eaten Double Whopper with Cheese resting between her chi-chis is asleep on your bed! Rather than doing the honorable thing and performing Seppuku and ending it all, just remember all the mornings when….
1. You wake up in the morning and have to pull two dozen long hairs off of your Johnson before you can pee….
- You wake up in the morning and you are wearing a pink thong that doesn’t belong to your ex-girlfriend…
- You wake up next to the toilet and find that Bed Bath and Beyond gift certificate behind the tank.
- You look in the toilet and find three condoms that weren’t used in a water balloon fight….
- You take your morning piss and your nozzle is on spray instead of stream…..
- You take your morning piss and your stream resembles the spreader gun in Contra….
- Your boss calls you in the morning to ask why you haven’t been at work for a week and a half…..
- You wake up next to a prostitute named Guadalupe and her screaming two year old, Fernando…..and you’re in Tijuana….
- Your coworker asks you if you are wearing the same shirt you were wearing yesterday….
- Your HR manager calls you into her office to discuss sexual harassment policy #XJ-39, and the list of approved Xerox machine usage.
- You remember her name…..or don’t, it really doesn’t matter.
- You wake up next to your best friend’s sister and not his mom for once….
- You wake up in an empty jail cell, instead of in a cell with a 379lb. Black man named Tiny draped around you……like last weekend.
- You wake up next to a girl that doesn’t look like Bea Arthur….
- You wake up next to Courtney Love’s less slutty half sister named Amanda….
- You wake up and find a tattoo on your penis and not Herve Villechaize from Fantasy Island….unlike that two week span in college when you thought you were gay.
- You wake up to find a stripper pole has been installed in your kid’s playroom….
- You wake up and find that Chief Runs Naked with Men has given you his daughter instead of his “pipe” to smoke….
- You lucked out because the fat chow hound that you went home with left early to catch the $1.99 Grand Slam at Denny’s….
- You wake up and find that you didn’t drunk text your ex-girlfriend to tell her that she is a cheating, hog smoking cunt….and that you still love her…..
- The 6’4” blonde that you woke up next to doesn’t have a penis….
- You didn’t wake up next to Tommy Lee….
- Your mom lets you sleep in….
- You wake up and “I’m an Ass Clown” isn’t written on your forehead in permanent marker…
If you like our Site, buy us a beer. (Suggested: $3 a beer or $7.5 for a pitcher)
